Absolutely deserved total. I wish it was higher!

Lines from the movie we’ve been quoting all day:

1.) “I like men now.”
2.) “Somebody throw the god damned bomb!”
3.) “He’s not Bono!”
4.) “For once, the rich, white man has all the power.”
5.) “Thank you, boob lady!”

That’s the word according to my incredibly cynical counterpart. And it’s a glowing compliment.

Last night, we watched The Simpsons Movie on a DLP screen a few miles up the road. We knew we weren’t going to be disappointed (as lifelong devoted fans of the television series), but neither of us knew how far Groening and the gang would go to ensure our expectations were exceeded.

The opening 1/3 of the movie is incredibly strong with gag after gag, almost every 4 seconds. The fact that we were in a packed house made a difference and the applause at the opening of the film with Ralph Wiggum on the 20th Century Fox Logo clued us into this reality.

For nearly 30 minutes, we enjoyed the barrage of hilarity, much like the antithesis of the opening sequence of Saving Private Ryan only similarly exhausting. The jokes were hipper than those on the show (see “American Idiot: Funeral Version”). It really is hearty laugh after hearty laugh (but kids probably won’t find a lot of it very funny and that’s just fine with me…when’s the last time someone under 20 watched The Simpsons anyways? 1998?)

But then the power went out in the building. And for 20 minutes we waited for the venue to restart all of its dozen or more screens. When they finally restarted our movie, they did it from the very beginning again. The momentum of the experience was wounded. But it wasn’t dead. And once we got rolling to the part where we left off, the crowd’s energy lifted again (though everyone re-laughed at the gags in the beginning sequence, if that says anything).

This was an incredibly strong movie. I would say if you counted it in the nearly 500 episode run of the series, it would be the best by far. Incredibly strong, not overly self-referential, freshly funny, and in many ways existential and romantic. There’s a scene where Marge plays heavily that almost had me sobbing. It was an emotional depth that television doesn’t make room for in 22 minutes.

But the real star was the comedy. Jokes and jokes and jokes and jokes and jokes. Some surprising full frontal nudity, more sight gags than can fit into a regular episode, a level of artistic achievement not possible when attempting to churn out 25 episodes a season, a couple of high-powered celebrity cameos, and a plot where Springfield itself is a character about which the audience is concerned.

Damn fine viewing. I may go back a few times to catch anything we missed the first 1.33 times. EXTREMELY recommended.

**To those of you with whom I was unable to communicate prior to the show, I apologize. My phone died. Surprised? Me neither. I need to be more diligent about that.

There’s a Southeast Asian restaurant on Lee Highway with a terrible name. I mean no racism or disrespect if it’s actually somebody’s moniker, but it doesn’t seem to translate well to American dining. The three letters near the end are just…I mean, “Rats?” In your restaurant name? Do we not have any English-speaking friends?

The image below is making its way around the Internet. Redbook took a photo of Faith Hill who looked quite lovely and joyful on the couch, squeezed her waist, shrunk her arms, removed the natural effects of aging from her face, and turned her into Nicole Richie. Ugh.

If any of you know where Michael Jackson is staying while he’s in DC, let me know so I can organize a vigil. This is the first time I’ve simultaneously been in the same city at the same time as this man and I’d rather not die without meeting him, so now’s as good a time as any.

The co-pay for an abortion on Dave’s new health plan at his job is $25. The co-pay to actually have the baby? $250. Seems like an interesting disincentive, don’t you think?

Sterilization? Covered. Reversal of sterilization? Not covered.

Kaiser Permanente apparently doesn’t like children.

Michael Jackson was in Washington DC yesterday touring the capitol…

–Washington Post

If I hear one more person say ‘Tar-zhay’ and then giggle–as if they’re being original or telling the person they’re talking to something clever–I am going to buy 1,000 shares of Costco.

So a few weeks back, Dave and I took a weekend hike in the Shenandoah Valley again and made a tourist-y visit to nearby Luray Caverns on the way out of town. We received a discount on the breakfast bar at the Caverns from our motel stay, so that was nice. And it was the first hot breakfast that either of us has had in probably 2 years, so that was very nice.

But the Luray Caverns tour was a monumental disappointment.

It cost $19 per person, which seemed high from the start (even without knowing what mediocrity lay ahead). The tour was guided by an exceptionally awkward trainee, and the more experienced trainer accompanying him seemed just as ill-rehearsed, timidly reciting knowledge of the attraction with the enthusiasm of a dying cab driver on vicodin. The tour lasted an hour and took us on a one-mile walk with a bunch of annoying little white children dressed up like 50 Cent through an underground garden of mostly identical, highly unimpressive rock formations.

Luray Caverns is the perfect 19th century family destination. It completely ignores the passage of time that has occurred since its opening some 125 years ago. The attraction’s owners have attempted over time to increase the draw to this rather dull place by adding a car and carriage museum (seriously, carriages), a bell tower, and a garden maze to the site. Despite all of these ostensible faults, the tours seemed packed on our Sunday venture. The Luray Chamber of Commerce must be doing something right. But I sure can’t tell exactly what it is!

I do hope the children of Luray, Virginia don’t envision a Cavern-related career as a glamorous prospect, hoping to coast through their lives with a reliable job at the town’s only prominent industry. Frankly, this place is a one-time visit for any family. I don’t believe they get much repeat business (if they do, it’s from incredibly easy-to-stimulate people). And there will come a day when everyone in America who plans to visit has done so and the town will dry up (more so than it already has). My advice to the children of Luray? Consider a career in IT and get the hell out of town on your graduation day.

Dave’s boss bought a new Blackberry Curve and passed his Moto Q to Dave. And since Dave has a PDA of his own already, I got an unexpected belated 25th bday present to go with the lap desk he bought me. Check out my new phone!

A few months back, I pointed out that it’s idiotic of the Bush administration to claim that Iran is aiding al Qaeda in Iraq, since Iran is a Shiite nation and al Qaeda terrorists are Sunnis. And now al Qaeda has made the division quite clear (and backed me up on my logic).

According to Fox News (!), the leader of an Al Qaeda group in Iraq has threatened to wage war against Iran unless it stops supporting Shiites in Iraq within two months. Abu Omar al-Baghdadi, who leads the group “Islamic State in Iraq,” said his Sunni fighters have been preparing for four years to wage a battle against Shiite-dominated Iran.

“We are giving the Persians, and especially the rulers of Iran, a two-month period to end all kinds of support for the Iraqi Shiite government and to stop direct and indirect intervention … otherwise a severe war is waiting for you,” he said in the 50-minute audiotape released Sunday. The tape, which could not be independently verified, was posted on a Web site commonly used by insurgent groups, according to Murdoch’s news network.

I told you so.